Nothing Ever Happens with Eddie Irvine

I received a text last night from Nick Harris, a good mate of mine and a man who, in his time, has been a fitness and nutritional advisor to the likes of Eddie Irvine, Mark Webber, Graeme McDowell and even AC-DC. "I've just heard "Nothing Ever Happens" for the first time on the radio since you sung it to us," was the message. Oh dear! That brought back memories.

Nick was referring to the time when Eddie Irvine, the then Jaguar F1 star, invited me out to his yacht, "Anaconda," in Italy for an interview. When I arrived there was nobody to be seen. I sat on the deck and waited for events to unfold.

First Nick appeared, then a scantily clad, beautiful girl emerged from the Irvine lair. She turned out to be Miss America. Finally the Northern Irishman rose from his slumbers, asked me what the hell was I doing there, suggested that people at Jaguar should be sacked for getting me on board (I had joined up with Jaguar for a chapter in my book, "In Your Dreams") and then made us all some coffee.

I then made a schoolboy error, or at least schoolboy in the world of Eddie. Spotting a guitar in the corner I asked the racer if he played. He replied: "Not really, but it looks good for the girls. Do you?" I said yes and the next moment Irvine was thrusting the instrument in my hand demanding that I should play.

Now this was in Santa Margherita harbour on the beautiful peninsula that also sports Portofino, a popular and beautiful spot filled with wandering tourists. No matter. I had to sing and play, hence my ropey performance of Del Amitri's "Nothing Ever Happens," while people stood on the dock and watched. Meanwhile Eddie sat in his deckchair, clapped away and grinned from ear to ear.

Later that day Eddie, Nick and I went on a 11km jog. I say jog but, with 200 metres to go, Eddie sprinted off without any prior warning just so that he could win what later turned out to have been a race. Eddie Irvine, top racing driver and (at least in my book) bloke, but with a mental age of 5! And in his world everything always happens!